


I'm an Idiot

by paleredheadinascifi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angsty Schmoop, Best Friends, Coming Out, Emotional Dean, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, New Relationship, Sexuality Crisis, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-09 23:37:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paleredheadinascifi/pseuds/paleredheadinascifi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's an idiot. Castiel loves him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before he was an Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> I have re-arranged the order of the chapters so they actually make sense. It now goes: "Before he was an Idiot", "I'm an Idiot", "After he was an Idiot".

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the story of how Dean and Castiel finally got their act together.

Dean looked at the electronic alarm clock next to his bed, the little green lights letting him know it was 2:30am. It was deathly quiet in the small apartment he shared with Castiel on the edge of campus. Well, apart from the sound of his roommate tossing and turning from across their even smaller shared bedroom. 

 

“Cas?” Dean whispered, he wasn’t sure why. It’ not like either of them were asleep, but it just seemed like a thing people do when it’s quiet. 

 

“Hmmm?” Came Castiel’s muffled reply from the other bed, his mouth covered by the blankets. 

 

“How did you know you were into dudes?” Dean blurted out. 

 

 _Smooth, dude. Nice._ Dean mentally punched himself in the face. 

 

Well that is not what Castiel was expecting to hear - leave it to Dean to ask the deep questions at two in the morning. 

 

“What?” Castiel asked, the confusion obvious in his tone. 

 

Dean sighed. He sucked at trying to explain what he was thinking.

 

“You know, how did you know? Like, you’ve never even _kissed_ a girl, so, I mean, just…how could you tell?” 

 

This is _definitely_ not a conversation Castiel had expected to have - with Dean of all people. The guy was basically allergic to emotions for christ’s sake. But if he had actually built up the courage to ask, Cas figured it must be fairly important. 

 

“Oh. Well, I guess I’ve just kind of always known. I was never… _attracted,_ I suppose…to girls. I don’t really know how to explain it, I just knew.” 

 

 _Well that doesn’t help at all with the major I-think-I’m-gay-for-my-best-friend crisis I’m having over here,_ Dean wanted to scream. 

 

“Why, Dean?” Castiel added quietly, like he was worried he was going to scare Dean away at any moment. 

 

“Huh? Oh, it’s nothing. I was just curious. I mean it all doesn’t make much sense, does it? Why should what’s under the belt make a difference to who you’re attracted to? I mean, it’s like, if you’re gonna spend your whole life with someone, wouldn’t it be more important that the person is, like, the most amazing person you know, rather than an alright person with different stuff downstairs? Like, who decided that guys had to like girls and girls had to like guys in the first place? It just seems stupid. Doesn’t make sense to me. You know what, forget it. I’m not making sense. Night, Cas.” Dean said, and now Castiel was really confused. 

 

There was definitely something going on there. His straight as a tack best friend just basically threw a gay panic explanation at him, and Castiel was still very confused. He also felt a little guilty about the spring of hope he felt deep in his stomach, because this was basically what he’s been dreaming of for the last six years. 

 

“Dean, do you want to talk about it?” Castiel figured he’d at least try. 

 

 _Damn it._ Dean thought. _Of course he couldn’t fool Cas._

 

“Talk about what?” He asked nonchalantly.

 

Castiel rolled his eyes and sighed.

 

“Dean, come on. I’ve known you my entire life, you’re my best friend, and we’ve practically been living on top of each other for a year now, I think I can tell when something is bothering you.” 

 

Well, he couldn’t fault him there. Still didn’t mean this moment needed to get anymore chick flick-esque

 

“It’s really nothing, Cas. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry I bought it up.” Dean mumbled as he turned to face the wall, pulling the covers up over his face. 

 

 _Bullshit._ Castiel thought. _He wouldn’t have brought it up if it were nothing._

 

“…Did you meet someone? … Did you meet a guy?” Castiel guessed, even though the thought it made him sick the stomach. 

 

Okay, well Dean did _not_ expect Castiel to be that blunt. He sat up abruptly and stared at Cas. 

 

“What!? Cas, no. I didn’t _meet_ anyone. I don’t need to meet anyone else.” He rambled defensively. 

 

 _Uh-huh!_ Castiel thought. _Got him.  “_ So you _do_ have someone then.”He pushed, sitting up to mirror Dean’s position from the other bed.

 

“What?” Dean asked desperately. He really wished Castiel would just stop talking. 

 

“You said you didn’t need to meet anyone else, therefore implying that you have someone already.”  Castiel explained slowly, as though talking to a child. 

 

“Cas. Can you please just drop it. I don’t want to talk about this. Especially not with you.” Dean sighed, he really didn’t need this right now. 

 

“Why not with me, Dean?” Castiel was actually starting to feel a little offended. If his best friend couldn’t trust him, he needed to know why. “I know more about this than any of your other friends, I actually happen to have been through this exact thing before, in case you forgot.” Castiel said, losing his cool a little more than he would have liked. 

 

 _I know._ Dean thought. _That’s half of the problem._

 

“Because Cas! You don’t talk to the dude you’re crushing on about the big gay panic they’re causing.”  Okay. He did not mean to say _that._ “Wait. What. No.” 

 

Woah.. Castiel _definitely_ imagined that. Well, that’s what he’d go with if Dean didn’t go pale as a ghost, a terrified expression taking over his features.  

 

“…Dean.” Castiel whispered, he would totally move closer if he could just get his body to cooperate with him right now. 

 

“Cas, please. Don’t. Just, I didn’t mean to say that. Just go back to sleep.” Dean said, lying back down and turning to face the wall again, attempting to hide from his accidental revelation using the sheets on his bed. 

 

Castiel’s body had apparently decided to regain it’s abilities, allowing him to cross the room and sit next to Dean’s tense body on the side of his bed. 

 

“Dean. Hey, look at me.” Castiel said gently. When there was no movement from the pile of sheets he figured that wasn’t going to happen. “Fine, don’t look at me, but that’s not going to stop me from telling you this. Do you wanna know how I definitely knew I was gay? When I realised that the only person at that stupid party you dragged me to in middle school I wanted to kiss was you.” Castiel confessed. 

 

Dean was still for a few more seconds, before Castiel heard a laugh erupt from under the blankets.

 

“I remember that party.” Was Dean’s muffled reply. He untangled himself from the pile and turned to face Castiel, leaning up on one elbow. “That was that time you saved me from Becky with the braces.” He remembered fondly. Castiel smiled, recalling the memory of thirteen year old Dean’s horrified face as Becky Rosen attempted to grope him against a wall. 

 

“Dean, I’ve spent the last six years convincing myself that you could never feel about me the same way I feel about you, and so if you’re telling me there’s a chance that you do, I’d really like to know.” Castiel admitted quietly, cautiously reaching out to place his hand over Dean’s.  
  
Dean’s eyes closed at the contact. “Cas… I don’t know what to do.” He whispered, looking rather defeated. 

 

“It’s okay Dean. If you want, we can figure it out together. It’ll be you and me, like it’s always been, but we could do this sometimes too…” Castiel lent down and slowly closed the distance, bringing their lips together in, what he was intending to be a chaste kiss, but was very quickly taking a different turn as he felt himself run his tongue over Dean’s bottom lip, causing the other man to groan. 

 

It’s not like you could blame him for not having more self control. He’d basically thought about doing just this every time he was in the same room as Dean since he was thirteen, and considering that they live together in a very small apartment, that was quite a frequent occurrence. 

 

Dean had somehow managed to sit up during the kiss, bringing their chests flush together, Dean’s hands making their way through Castiel’s hair, Castiel’s hands framing Dean’s face. And, _woah. That was Dean’s tongue. In his mouth._  

 

Castiel managed to find some super-human self control inside him, and pull away from the kiss just enough that their lips were no longer touching, but he could still feel Dean’s breath ghosting over his mouth. Blue eyes found green. 

 

“Holy shit, Cas. That was..” Dean breathed, his face breaking into a grin, tightening his hold on the handful of Castiel’s hair he had somehow managed to obtain in an absolutely delightful way. 

 

“Yeah.” Castiel agreed, also out of breath. The look on Dean’s face made his heart skip a beat. 

 

They kind of just stared at each other for God knows how long, Cas trying to figure out what Dean was thinking, and Dean trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do with the new found knowledge that he was _definitely,_ 100% gay for his best friend. 

 

“Fuck it.” Dean finally said, as he pulled Castiel back into him and ravaged his mouth. They kissed like that for who knows how long, and it’s not like they could find out since they had somehow managed to knock Dean’s alarm clock off the bedside table at some point. Dean pulled away and rested their foreheads together. 

 

“I want you, Cas. I need you. I tried so hard not to, but I do. I want to try this, with you. I want there to be an us. Please, Cas. Tell me we can be an us.”  The desperation in Dean’s voice made Castiel want to kiss him for the rest of his life, just to make sure he knew that Cas never wanted anything more than that. 

 

“Of course we can, you idiot. You can have me Dean. I’ve always been yours. You can have us. We can have us.” Castiel smiled affectionately.

 

Dean laughed, the sound still one of Castiel’s favourite things in the entire world, and pulled them into an embrace, Dean’s face in Castiel’s neck, breathing in the familiar smell of his best friend. 

 

Castiel pulled his legs up onto the bed, and they rearranged themselves, their limbs intertwining to fit two rather tall 19 year old boys onto a single bed. 

  
Dean sighed contently as he looked down at Cas, his head resting on Dean’s chest, every possible part on their bodies touching they could manage. Castiel looked up, meeting Dean’s gaze and smiled. 

 

 _This might actually work after all,_ was Dean’s last coherent thought before he drifted into the best sleep he’d had in his life. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think, good or bad, it really encourages me. 
> 
> Have an amazing day!


	2. Before he was an Idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is an idiot. Castiel loves him anyway.

“Baby…please…” Green eyes were pleading blue. 

It hadn’t been two minutes since their visitors had left, and Dean’s idiotic introduction, which he had thought maybe Cas didn’t notice, was very obviously an ticking bomb that Dean hoped would be easily defused. 

“Can you just..say something?” He added weakly. 

“Yes, Dean, as a matter of fact I can say something.” Castiel replied, his voice seeping with sarcasm as he broke out the infamous air quotes for the last word. 

“Cas, you know I didn’t mean..” Dean tried, but his half hearted explanation was cut off with a rather heated blue-eyed glare. 

“Do I, Dean?” Castiel’s eyes shone with an emotion that made Dean dread his very existence. Angry Cas was a scary Cas. “Because I’m not sure I do. I thought we’d moved past the whole holy shit I think I might be gay thing, but do tell me if I’m wrong Dean, because that was certainly the impression I had last night when my dick was in your mouth.” 

Castiel’s forehead creased as he threw the injured puppy look towards Dean, as if waiting for an explanation. Dean hated that face. Cas could rip out his heart with a chainsaw and it would be less painful than that look. And Cas knew it. 

“Cas. Babe. I’m sorry.” Dean tried again, attempting to close the distance between them that seemed to be growing by the minute. I didn’t surprise him when Cas gave him a disgusted look and turned away. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t know any attempts at taking back what he’d said were futile right now, but that had never stopped him before. He was an idiot. He was well aware. He was working on it.

“I just don’t understand you sometimes, Dean.” Castiel sighed and turned around in such a dramatic way that Dean would’ve laughed under any other circumstances. “I get that this is new and scary for you, Dean, I do, but have you ever thought that it might be scary for me, too? Just because I’ve been officially out of the closet since we were 14, doesn’t mean I’ve ever felt like this before. I’ve never had as much to lose as I do now, Dean. If I, if we, mess this up, I’m not losing some insignificant one night stand, I’m losing my best friend. And that’s fucking terrifying, okay? So when you disown me like you did this morning, when I just suddenly go back to being your friend whenever it suits you, when you say shit like that Dean, it hurts okay? Because this thing we have here, it’s just us Dean. It’s you and me, making it up as we go. And I can’t do it without you. I need you with me, I need you to be all in. I need to know I’m not risking the best friendship I’ve ever had for no reason.” Castiel took in a deep breath, and blinked at Dean, his eyes speaking volumes of vulnerability and the slightest trace if hope. 

Dean stood stock still, his mouth hanging open, speechless for longer than he’d admit to, and then Castiel watched as his faced crumbled and he threw himself towards him. Castiel caught him with open arms. 

“Cas, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. I know don’t deserve you” Dean sobbed into Castiel’s neck, his hands clinging to the back of Castiel’s shirt. Castiel rubbed soothing lines up and down Dean’s back while he blubbered incoherent apologies into his neck. 

“I know. I know you’re sorry. I know. Please stop crying, Dean. I hate it when you cry.” Castiel whispered into Dean’s neck, kissing any skin he found there.

Dean’s sobs slowly subsided and he pulled back enough to allow Castiel to wipe at the tears streaming down his cheeks. Dean moved his hands to grip onto Castiel’s waist and Castiel returned his arms to around Dean’s neck. Dean moved in to close the distance and gently placed a kiss on Castiel’s waiting lips. 

When he pulled back, Castiel noticed that a look of determination had appeared on his face. 

“Cas.” Dean breathed affectionately. “Castiel, baby, I love you.” Dean smiled at the way Castiel’s eyes grew wide. 

“I know this thing is only new, but I do. I love you. I love you so much and I need you to know that. I need you to remember that when I’m an idiot who does idiotic things, okay? Because I can’t lose you. I won’t. You’re right. We’re in this together, and I’ve been selfish and I’m so sorry that I made you feel like you were alone or that I was ashamed to be with you, and I’m going to make sure you never feel like that again. I love you, baby, and I am so stupidly proud that I get to call you mine, I could never be ashamed of you. You’re the best person I know, you’re so crazy smart and you’re caring and generous and you’re so fucking hot that I think I deserve a medal for managing to restrain myself from jumping you whenever we’re in the same room, and you’re so passionate about the things you love and you’re the best thing in my life, Cas, okay? So I need you to know that I love you more than anything.” Dean was pretty sure he hadn’t taken a breath in about 5 minutes, and he felt a little faint headed, but the shy smile plastered over Castiel’s face made his whole poorly worded speech worth it. 

“I would kiss you right now, but I don’t want you to pass out, so I’ll let you get your breath back first.” Castiel joked, his hold on Dean tightening to emphasise his point as he kissed his way from Dean’s neck to his eyelids, carefully planting a gentle kiss over Dean’s closed eyes. 

Dean felt Castiel’s breath as he moved down his face to hover over Dean’s lips. When the sweet pressure of lips against lips he was expecting stayed as nothing but the ghost of Castiel’s breath, Dean opened his eyes to a sea of blue. 

“Hi.” Castiel said, the corners of his mouth turning up into a adoring smile. “I love you.” He added nonchalantly, finally leaning the rest of the way to close the gap between their mouths. 

The kiss was a strange combination of passionate and sweet, heated yet soft, and it was affecting Dean in a very familiar way which, when Dean finally pulled away, he was relieved to see, and feel, returned by Castiel. The look he found on Castiel’s face could only be described as animalistic, and as he pressed closer to his lover, he felt his hardness matched against his thigh. 

“Dean.” Castiel moved his hands to cup Dean’s face, “You might be an idiot, but you’re my idiot, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my best friend….or…my boyfriend.” Castiel added carefully, looking up at Dean with a hopeful smile. 

“Boyfriend.” Dean repeated, as though trying the word out. “Boyfriend. I like it.” Dean grinned. “Would my boyfriend whom I love like to accompany me to lunch in a very public place where I will proceed to make everyone jealous that you’re my boyfriend, and then when I have made sure the everybody in this whole damn town knows that by some godforsaken miracle, you’re mine, we could come back here and I will show you just how much I love you. I mean, if my boyfriend whom I love would like that.” Dean said casually, his arms still wrapped around the other man. Castiel rolled his eyes and laughed as he hit dean’s shoulder playfully. 

“You’re an idiot.” Castiel laughed. 

“But I’m your idiot, remember?” Dean replied, a fake, and frankly pathetic puppy dog look taking over his features. “And I’m also an idiot that is going to buy you a burger.” He added, smirking when Castiel’s eyes lit up at the mention of his favourite food.

“Oh, well then, I suppose I’ll put up with you if I’ll get a free burger out of it.” Castiel replied in mock exasperation, turning out of his boyfriend’s hold. Dean gasped dramatically, his hands coming up over his heart as though he’d been hit by a bullet, before they both burst into laughter. 

“Oh my god.” Castiel laughed as Dean grabbed the keys to the impala, his eyes bright with laughter, “We’re both idiots!” he giggled, as Dean reached for his hand, raised his knuckles to his mouth and kissed each one before lowering their still clasped hands and leading them in the direction of his baby.


	3. After he was an Idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes good on a promise to Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last planned chapter for this story, so I hope you enjoy it! If you want to request another chapter, or a time stamp or something, be sure to let me know and I'll do my best, otherwise this story is complete.

“Oh my god. Look at how cute they are. Sam, they’re so cute. You have no idea. Ugh. I want to punch myself in the face. Sam, come over here so you can punch me in the face.” Jess spoke into her phone. She was working at the most popular restaurant and bar on the University campus, and had snuck off to hide behind a plant while spying on her boyfriend’s brother and _his_ boyfriend. 

 

“Well it’s about fucking time.” Came Sam’s response through the speaker, “but I’d rather not see how adorable my brother and the guy who is basically my brother are with my own eyes. I’ll just take your word on that one.” 

 

“Jess! Table fourteen needs more breadsticks!” Jess’s manager yelled out as he wizzed past her and onto some other problem. _Well at least he didn’t ask why I was hiding behind a tree,_ Jess thought. “Hey, Sam? Sorry babe, I’ve gotta go. Your brother and his disgustingly cute boyfriend need more breadsticks.” Jess said in the phone before hanging up, collecting her self, and heading over to their table. 

 

“Breadsticks for table fourteen!” Jess announced happily as she placed the basket on the table, before looking up and pulling all of her limited acting abilities out of her sleeve. “Oh. What, hi Dean! I didn’t see you guys there! Hey Castiel! How are you both? You look great, both of you, really. What a surprise to see you guys here! I can’t believe I didn’t see you walk in! How long have you been here!”  She chatted excitedly. 

 

Castiel gave an amused smile, and Dean rolled his eyes. “Jess we’ve been watching you squeal behind that plant for the last 20 minutes. You can drop the act.” Dean informed her.

 

Jess’s grin dropped for about half a second, looking slightly guilty, before remembering why she’d been hiding in the first place, the grin returning to her face. 

 

“Oh. Well, _awkwaarrdd.._ But now we’ve got that out of the way, YOU GUYS!!! Sam and I are so happy for you!!” She squealed. 

 

Cas sighed and threw a ten dollar note on the table in front of Dean. 

 

“Ahah! I told you it was Sam!!” Dean smirked victoriously. 

 

“It just as easily could have been Jo.” Castiel added with a roll of his eyes. 

 

“Oh, don’t worry, I texted Jo. And Charlie. And Kevin. And I’m pretty sure Jo told Ellen, which pretty much means anyone could know by now.” Jess admitted, leaning over and stealing a french fry off Dean’s plate. 

 

“Do you high schoolers really have nothing better to do than gossip about us?” Dean teased. 

 

“Do you two really have nothing better to do than make bets about who I’m talking to?” Jess threw back. 

 

“Do you really have nothing better to do than stalk us from behind a plant?” Cas chimed in. Dean and Jess both burst out laughing at Castiel’s unusual behaviour, he normally steers clear from their bantering and bickering - all in good fun of course. 

 

“Touche, Cas, Touche.” Jess laughed. “And in fact, I do have something I should be doing, and it’s called working. I get off in about twenty though, if you guys wanna go do something to celebrate, I can drag Sam out from those damn books he buries his face in for a few hours.” She suggested. 

 

“God I like you Jess, you’re good for that bloody Sasquatch I call a brother.” Dean said, laughing. “But I think we might give this one a miss. Maybe we can do something on the weekend? You should still make good on that plan to drag Sam back to civilisation for the night though, It’ll do the kid some good to have a break from studying for a while.” Dean added. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll get Sam to ring you and organise something for this weekend.” Jess smiled. “And don’t you worry about that brother of yours, I’ll get him sorted out.” She laughed. 

 

“That’s my girl!” Dean replied. 

 

“Alright, well I’ll let you two love birds get back to it then, night guys!” Jess waved as she returned to the sea of people in the crowded bar. 

“Well I guess the cat is out of the bag.” Cas said to Dean as he swirled his straw around his drink.

 

“Maybe we should just make sure. We wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea or anything.” Dean replied, a mischievous glint in his eye as he leaned over and captured Castiel’s mouth in a fairly heated kiss for a public place. Jess obviously hadn’t disappeared too far into the crowd if the squeak Dean heard from nearby was anything to go on. 

 

As he pulled back, Dean was pleased to see a blush gracing Castiel’s cheeks and a shy smile on his face. “I love you.” Dean whispered, his face still close enough to Cas’s that he could feel his breath ghost over his mouth. 

 

“I love you more.” Cas whispered in reply.

 

“Oh yeah?” Dean questioned. “Well how about we get out of here and I’ll show you just how much I love you.” Dean suggested, his voice low. 

 

“Oh, I suppose I could handle that.” Castiel replied, aggravatingly casual. 

 

“You assbutt!” Dean laughed, pulling a laughing Cas up from the table with him, and keeping him close to his side. “Let’s get out of here.” 

 

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and guess who didn't have time to read over this very thoroughly before posting it? This girl! So sorry for any mistakes! Please please please leave a comment if you get the chance, it honestly makes the pain of writing these things worth it. Have an amazing day!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought, and thanks for reading! You can follow my writing blog on Tumblr at paleredheadinascifi if you so desire. Have an amazing day!


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